iDouche

So probably some of you know, and others don't, that there is now a dating website specifically for fans of Apple products. I know what you are thinking. "But Barron, what possible problem could you have with a dating site based on the love of the fruit of the apple tree"? And to that I say, no my naive friend, not for the fruit known as apple. No, it is for those who love products made by Steve Job's company Apple.

Now in the past I have thought of Apple/Mac fans as a weird hipster douche cult, but now they are proving me right!! This site was made because these devotees nay...acolytes of Apple are thought to like a lot of the other same things and think very much alike (i.e. exactly alike, since its a total cult of non-personality). I think this site needs to be stopped damnit! Cause if hipster douch qualities really are genetically linked (as I tend to theorize, I believe its a mutation of normal DNA by the high levels of Emo-music and vintage clothing stores in our nation), then I cannot have these people coupling up and possibly solidifying the hipster douche(refered to hence forth as HD) genome's hold in our gene pool. Cause people...that's how it all starts. First the HD genome becomes more and more prevalent, and then BOOM...you got crab people rising up to take over the human race. No one will be able to stop them, cause HD's can't fight back. Apple doesn't make iGuns or iSwords so they wouldn't lower themselves to fight with non-approved weapons. Even if they could bring themselves to use non-Apple technology to fight, they'd be too busy reading Magical Realism fiction and feeling sorry for themselves while listening to HIM or My Chemical Romance.

No, I say we have to stop this right here and now. Who's with me?!